I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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