Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
