Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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