I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
bring money and cleavage
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
