My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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