When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
