he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
