1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
