Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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