You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
