Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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