Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize