So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you would pick up someone in the library
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
