I CAN MOONWALK!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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