You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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