I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
