you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
