The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
