Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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