my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
