You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
