You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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