Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
