Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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