I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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