So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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