i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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