Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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