Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
