I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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