is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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