Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
