I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
