you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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