in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
