how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
