I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
