the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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