We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
