why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
