I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
