I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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