Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
