The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize