Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
