You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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