she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
