i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
