I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize