WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
