I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
