i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
