Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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