I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
