If that was your dad, he is hot
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
