he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
