I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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