then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
