I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
