well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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