well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
