It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
