I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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