I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
one might say we're banned from that church
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
