I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
