well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
