All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
