I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
