I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize