Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
