So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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