All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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