somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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