He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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