I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
