Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
