she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize