I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
