So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
