I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
